but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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