Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
