I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
