Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
