she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
