it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
