if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
