He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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