OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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