FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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