Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
