Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
