i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I touched a dick in church today
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