I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
