I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
