Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
