drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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