dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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