You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
