Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
