I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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