My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
