On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
