someone threw a dead crab at me
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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