A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
