Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
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There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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