youre lurking in front of me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
