I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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