I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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