what day is it and did you see me today?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
