If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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