Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
