That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
