Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
