Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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