Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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