so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
