i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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