No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
