So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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