She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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