Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
