a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize