someone get that fucking seahorse.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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