Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
