2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
