He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize