He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
