i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
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He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
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he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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