so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize