I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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