Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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