Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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