if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
