omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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