My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
