I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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