you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
