Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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