The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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