You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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