So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
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I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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