She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
