everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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