Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
